


REBELLION And NEW REPUBLIC HERO WEDGE ANTILLES Gives Hand Washing Seminar

by aphorisnt



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends: X-Wing Series - Aaron Allston & Michael Stackpole
Genre: Crack, Gen, Hand Washing, Space YouTube, no betas we die like assholes, thanks COVID-19 for the idea
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-19
Updated: 2020-03-19
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:55:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23209621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aphorisnt/pseuds/aphorisnt
Summary: Wedge hadn’t even turned the corner before the sound of laughter reached his ears. He paused and closed his eyes, clutching the datapad in his hands hard enough to leave indentation on his palms and fervently praying to the Force or whatever else might be listening that the laughter wasn’t from who he thought it was.It seemed the Force wasn’t with him that day.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 23





	REBELLION And NEW REPUBLIC HERO WEDGE ANTILLES Gives Hand Washing Seminar

**Author's Note:**

  * For [icandrawamoth](https://archiveofourown.org/users/icandrawamoth/gifts).



> Katie and I started making a quarantine au the other day which led to Wedge giving a hand washing demonstration and somehow that birthed this fic. So here you go.
> 
> All mistakes are mine and there probably are because I didn't proofread this at all because effort.

Wedge hadn’t even turned the corner before the sound of laughter reached his ears. He paused and closed his eyes, clutching the datapad in his hands hard enough to leave indentation on his palms and fervently praying to the Force or whatever else might be listening that the laughter wasn’t from who he thought it was.

It seemed the Force wasn’t with him that day. He rounded the corner and stopped just outside the Rogue’s ready room. Through the open doorway he could see all eleven members of his squadron huddled around a holoprojector watching what looked like some kind of vid, maybe something from the holonet, which on its own that might not have been a bad thing. Because there was Wes, right at the center of the huddle with a wide grin stretched across his face. Wedge pinched the bridge of his nose; he had a bad feeling about this.

He was just about to call his rowdy squadmates to attention when he caught a snippet of sound from the holovid.

“...hands...twenty seconds...dry…”

Wedge couldn’t make out much of the dialogue, just a word here and there, but he’d heard enough to recognize the speaker: that was _his_ voice. He contemplated sneaking away before anyone noticed his presence. Tycho could handle the briefing, it would be fine, and he could just hide in his quarters until it was over and then go pummel Janson because somehow Wedge just knew the culprit. But no such luck.

Tycho was the first to notice him, meeting Wedge’s eyes with an expression that somehow managed to look apologetic and like a smirk at the same time.

And then Wes looked up. “Commander Antilles, so glad to see you!” he called out with unabashed glee. The faces around him ran the gamut from sheepish guilt to just as much glee.

Somehow Wedge managed to suppress a groan and all that escaped him was a quiet sigh. “Janson,” Wedge replied, exasperation evident in his voice. “Do I even want to know?”

“Of course you do! Come on and join us.” Wes beckoned him over and the other Rogues parted to give him room. Wedge snagged an empty chair and dragged it over to the group, settling it into the space between Corran and Gavin. “Here, let me just start it over really quick.” Wes tapped the projector and the holovid snapped back to the beginning.

“In order to maintain our health and safety while in quarantine we need to observe certain standards of hygiene, so medical has asked me to go over a few things with you, specifically handwashing.”

This time Wedge did groan. The projector was playing a holo of him.

After defeating Krennel and Isard, or rather her clone, all the Rogues minus Janson had been kept in quarantine about _The Lusankya_ just in case Isard had engineered a new bioweapon as a parting gift. Fortunately there had been nothing to worry about. But while in quarantine medical wanted to ensure the health of the pilots as well as possible, and since all they could do at the time was advise the Rogues to maintain basic health and hygiene they had put Wedge in charge of instructing the pilots in those practices. It was more a formality than anything else, just letting medical check a box to say they had done what was needed, but it wasn’t like Wedge could say no.

The holo showed him standing in front of a bulkhead in the hold with a few of the gathered Rogues visible in front of him. “I know you know how to wash your hands but humor me with this refresher.” Wedge remembered the accidental pun had gotten a few snickers and part of him was proud of that. The holovid continued, replaying Wedge’s careful instructions and overexaggerated demonstration of best practices for species that could wash their hands with soap and water and a few alternatives for those that couldn’t based on physiology.

“Alright, which one of you took the holo?” Wedge glared pointedly at Wes as he asked the question but Wes only grinned back.

“Believe it or not it wasn’t me this time.” Wedge raised a disbelieving eyebrow but Wes continued. “This time you can thank your wonderful XO for providing our entertainment.”

Wedge widened his eyes as he turned his gaze to Tycho, managing to look just a little hurt, but Tycho held up a hand to stop his words. “Before you say anything, Wedge, I just want to say that in my defense I only took the holo. I had nothing to do with posting it to the holonet.”

“Wait, hang on.” The slight shock was evident in Wedge’s voice. “You mean to tell me this is on the actual holonet?”

“Yep!” Wes answered happily, drawing Wedge’s attention back his way. “And I’ll admit that part was my idea, but the title was all the work of one Derek Klivian.”

Hobbie grinned shamelessly as he pronounced, “‘REBELLION And NEW REPUBLIC HERO WEDGE ANTILLES Gives Hand Washing Seminar,’” emphasizing the words in all capitals as he gestured to the title at the bottom of the vid.

Wedge dragged a hand down his face. “Please tell me no one has seen this.”

“Sorry, Commander,” Corran piped up from his left, “but you’ve got a few trillion admirers.”

“And it gets better! Tell him, Tycho!” Wes sounded even more excited if that were possible.

“We may have gotten a few hundred requests from a few hundred schools if they can play the holo in their health classes.”

“And please tell me you said no.”

“Come on, Wedge, you have to admit it’s a good teaching tool and it’ll get kids to pay attention and be healthier. It’s for a good cause. And besides,” Tycho continued, “we know how much you love the spotlight.” He winked on the last word and it took every ounce of Wedge’s self-control not to throw the datapad in his hand at him.

“And hey, at least it’s only a holovid. It’s not like they’re asking you to travel to a bunch of schools and give live demos,” Gavin chimed in from Wedge’s right.

“Yet,” Wes added helpfully.

“Nawara, please tell me there’s a way I can get these idiots to take the video down.”

“Sorry, Commander,” Nawara replied, grinning just as much as the others, “but there’s no law prohibiting the filming of a New Republic officer as long as the information isn’t classified and Cracken himself approved it. You could send a formal cease and desist letter but that’s more symbolic than anything else. I’m afraid there’s nothing I can do here.”

“Of course Cracken approved it,” Wedge grumbled to himself. He glared at all the pilots around him. “This discussion isn’t over,” he said firmly. “But for now we need to continue with our actual briefing. So if you would be so kind as to replace your chairs in their proper places and pay attention so we can discuss our next mission, please.”

“Sure, Wedge,” Wes said, “but first can I ask a question?”

“What is it?” Wedge sighed.

“Before you start, shouldn’t we all go wash our hands?”

**Author's Note:**

> come find me on tumblr @aphorisnt


End file.
